5 Ways Moms and Dads Can Teach Kids to Avoid Gender Stereotypes

In the last century, significant progress has been made in promoting gender equality in the United States. Women have gained the right to vote, fathers have become more involved parents, and more people and institutions recognize gender identities beyond the binary categories of male and female.

Yet persistent gaps remain: Women hold only a quarter of seats in the US Congress; only a handful of states require paid paternity leave, and state legislatures are introducing bills that discriminate against transgender people.

Most Americans believe there is more work to be done on gender equality. As a genderqueer sociologist, mother of a kindergartener, and author of a book on creative gender parenting, I study the importance of disrupting sexism in childhood. Here are five ways I've found that parents and caregivers can combat gender stereotypes in children's lives.

Assume a child can be LGBTQI+

Gender identity and sexuality are diverse and personal experiences. However, medical institutions and parents commonly assign a sex to newborns based on physical characteristics and socialize children as one of two gender binaries. For example, minors with vulvas are assigned as female and raised as girls, and minors with penises are assigned as male and raised as boys.

Most children are cisgender, meaning their gender identity aligns with the sex and gender they were assigned at birth. However, the percentage of young people in the US who identify as transgender, meaning their gender does not align with the sex they were assigned at birth, or who are non-binary, meaning their gender is not strictly male or female, is growing.

An estimated one in 1,500 to 2,000 babies born in the US is intersex, meaning their sex chromosomes or reproductive anatomy may be different from what is typically classified as male or female.

Additionally, nationally, more than 11 percent of high school students say they are lesbian, gay, bisexual, or question their sexuality. Young LGBTQ people are 'coming out' to their families earlier than previous generations. Research shows that family acceptance of LGBTQ youth is associated with better mental and physical health and greater protection against depression, substance abuse, and suicide.

Be aware of gender marketing

Children's toys and clothing are increasingly divided by gender, with many people blaming the for-profit exploitation of gender-stereotypical marketing.

For example, construction toys and small vehicles are marketed to boys and dolls and make-up to girls. In children's clothing stores, primary colors, transportation, and sports graphics are often on one side and pastels, flowers, and sparkles on the other.

Girls and boys learn important social, emotional, and physical skills through play. Entertaining yourself with a variety of toys provides opportunities to build and develop well-rounded skills, including spatial awareness and empathy. Gender-stereotypical marketing can limit the types of toys and experiences children are exposed to.

Parents and caregivers can shop every aisle of a toy or clothing store to show children that gender marketing boundaries are arbitrary and can be crossed. They can let the children explore what is available and choose for themselves.

Counter-stereotyping, that is, explicitly inverting a stereotype, is also a powerful way to break down the gender stereotypes at play. For example, a caregiver may look at dolls with a child and say things like, "Children like dolls" and "Dads are great at taking care of babies."

Break gender stereotypes in the home

Parents and caregivers are children's first role models of what gender is. Adults can model language and behavior that challenge harmful binary sexist stereotypes, such as the belief that women should do more housework, even when they have a full-time job. For example, in households with more than one parent, and especially in mixed-sex couples, parents may share parental responsibilities and household chores.

Actions speak louder than words, and children are more likely to reject the idea of ​​traditional gender norms when their parents show fairness and divide the housework equally, not just mention it as something they value.

Mothers and fathers can change children's chores so that they learn about them in a genderless way: boys can wash the dishes and girls can take out the garbage. Parents can also ensure that the allocation is equitable, as the gender pay gap can start at home. Research suggests that girls earn less allowance even when they do more homework.

Use gender-neutral language

The use of gender-neutral pronouns and other words can reduce gender bias and increase positive regard for women and LGBT people. For example, using anatomical language instead of gender words, such as "vulva" instead of "girl parts," teaches boys that not all people with vulvas identify as girls. This doesn't erase cisgender girls, but it does include many transgender boys and non-binary boys.

Similarly, replacing "moms and dads" with "parents and caregivers" not only includes same-sex and non-binary parents, but also acknowledges single parents and the millions of non-relative grandparents and guardians.

Adults can also choose books and media that portray children in diverse and inclusive ways, and highlight stereotypes when they come up in stories.

Encourage play between men and women

Gender segregation is deeply embedded in social structures and can have negative implications, such as sexist attitudes towards people of other genders. Boys are often categorized into gender groups, sometimes informally ("boys line up here, girls line up there") and sometimes explicitly, such as in single-sex schools.

Research shows that children who have close friendships with children of other genders have more positive and less sexist attitudes toward the gender of their friends.

Parents and educators can create opportunities for children to interact with children of different genders. They can stop segregating kids by gender, choose sports teams and other organized extracurricular activities that are open to all genders, and host co-ed birthday parties, for example. Activities for all genders help children recognize their similarities and celebrate their differences and include children who do not identify as girls or boys.

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The author is Kyl Myers, a sociologist, award-winning educator, and world-renowned advocate for creative gender parenting. Kyl is the author of "Raising Them: Our Adventure in Creative Gender Parenting" and lives with her family in the US and Australia.

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